Ryan's blog

2010 Reading List

2009-12-28T19:20:00.000-08:00

2010 Reading List

Here are the books I know I am planning on reading in 2010, I am looking forward to it! There will surely be others but these are at the top of my list.

1. The Bible: I probably won’t be on a Bible in a Year program, but I hope to spend most of my reading time in this book. I pray that the Holy Spirit will show me how to subject any teachings, opinions, and ideas to the truth of Scripture.

2. Studies in Acts - Martyn Lloyd Jones: CrossPointe will be going through the book of Acts. I plan on doing a good amount of study in this book. I pray that God will use it to change my life and change our church.

3. Big Truths for Young Hearts – Bruce Ware: Every day as a parent and husband I feel increasingly inadequate. I want to pastor my family well, even before my desires to pastor a church.

4. Religion Saves and nine other misconceptions- Mark Driscoll: This book tackles some tough question dealing with birth control to predestination.

5. Walking with God Day by Day – Martyn Lloyd Jones: I really like reading Martyn Lloyd Jones. I am planning on doing this devotional with my wife.

6. Prodigal God- Tim Keller: I read this book already. Carrie and I are starting a community group next month and we are going to journey through this with others. This book speaks very well to the younger brother (self indulgent) and the older brother (self righteous) and how we all need Jesus.

7. When Sinners Say I do – Dave Harvey: Another one I have read. The men’s group I am a part of is going through this. In marriage we must see our own sin and brokenness and know the only hope for our marriage is the hope of the Gospel.

8. Money, Greed, and God - Jay W. Richards: This book was spoken highly of by Justin Taylor. I look forward to reading it. The subtitle states "Why capitalism is the solution and not the problem".

Jon & Kate "For the Kids"

2009-08-04T18:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was able to watch last night’s Jon & Kate plus 8 (thanks to my DVR) , I have commented on them before here if you would like to see the context in which I am writing this.

I saw something I found to be intriguing while watching the show, and it was not just in the last episode but I have seen it over and over again even slowly before the demise of Jon & Kate’s marriage. They are getting their kitchen remodeled, and Jon says that they are doing this for the kids. I find it interesting that in the midst of their separation they are getting their kitchen remodeled when I have slowly seen the remodeling and eroding of their lives. But Jon mentions that the reason they are doing this is for the kids? It’s not that I don’t believe what he says; with a family of 8 kids more cabinet space can be argued for, and although it may not be necessary they are well within the means to do it… especially because it is probably free. But I have heard them use this statement over and over again, ”we are doing this for the kid’s”. In fact Kate takes the kids to the beach and I heard Jon mention that it was very timely because he and Kate” just needed a break from each other”.

There are so many issues here, and I fear that if I were to delve into them I would come across as judgmental, harsh, or even a naysayer that hopes for the continued plunge of this family. Please hear me out on this, this is in no way the case. I pray for this family and can surly say that I could easily be in their shoes. My wife and I have challenges just like they do, I realize that I have sinned and will struggle with sin and that if I don’t allow God and others in my life to hold me to account then this could be me and my family.

That being said I will address one point and be done. When does “for the kids” become a way to justify their sin? Seriously? When did this become out and out selfishness? I tend to think that if Jon was on the beach that day loving his wife and family well… that would be for the kids. If Jon was with Kate helping set up the tent…that would be “for the kids”. Where did this thing go wrong? The children are longing for their mommy and daddy to be together, but somehow that is all too complicated to explain and so for the kid’s sake they divorce.

More than all those things, somehow they have rejected God. I have learned as a pastor to reconcile a marriage or reconcile a family that there must first be reconciliation to God. My prayer for Jon and Kate is not ultimately for the reconciliation of their family or marriage, although that is certainly part of it, but it is first for their reconciliation to God. This is done by the blood bought peace that Jesus purchased for us on the Cross. It was gruesome because or sin in gruesome, it was horrific because our sin is horrific. But it was beautiful because God’s love is beautiful, and the beauty of the Cross is that we can be reconciled to God, and that because of that we can be reconciled to one another.

I am convinced that apart from this hope of reconciliation to God, they (or any of us for that matter) will try to make this thing work on their own. And they will use “for the kid’s” to justify their actions, when the reality is that if they were really doing this for the kid’s they would be doing this for God.

Colosians 1.19-20

“For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.”

Praying for pastors

2009-07-07T08:21:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing I covet from my church, my friends, and my family it is prayer. I read Charles Spurgeon Morning devotional for today and felt like it would be a good thing to post. Very recently I have felt God using me in amazing ways, but I have also felt the struggles of my own flesh, and even the on going challenges of ministry. Pray for your pastors.

C.H. Spurgeon

1 Thessalonians 5.25 "Brothers, pray for us"

"This one morning in the year we reserved to refresh the reader's memory upon the subject of prayer for ministers, and we do most earnestly implore every Christian household to grant the fervent request of the text first uttered by an apostle and now repeated by us. Brethren, our work is Solemnly momentous, involving weal or woe to thousands; we treat with souls for God on eternal business, and our word is either a savour of life unto life, or of death unto death. A very heavy responsibility rests upon us, and it will be no small mercy if at the last we be found clear of the blood of all men. As officers in Christ's army, we are the especial mark of the enmity of men and devils; they watch for our halting, and labour to take us by the heels. Our sacred calling involves us in temptations from which you are exempt, above all it too often draws us away from our personal enjoyment of truth into a ministerial and official consideration of it. We meet with many knotty cases, and our wits are at a non plus; we observe very sad backslidings, and our hearts are wounded; we see millions perishing, and our spirits sink. We wish to profit you by our preaching; we desire to be blest to your children; we long to be useful both to saints and sinners; therefore, dear friends, intercede for us with our God. Miserable men are we if we miss the aid of your prayers, but happy are we if we live in your supplications. You do not look to us but to our Master for spiritual blessings, and yet how many times has He given those blessings through His ministers; ask then, again and again, that we may be the earthen vessels into which the Lord may put the treasure of the gospel. We, the whole company of missionaries, ministers, city missionaries, and students, do in the name of Jesus beseech you"
"BROTHERS, PRAY FOR US."

Book Recommendation; "When Sinners Say I Do"

2009-06-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

Book Recommendation; When Sinners Say I Do

As a pastor I have read many Christian books on marriage, and I must be honest that I think they actually can do more harm than good. Many of them cause me to look at my wife as the problem and not myself. I am left thinking that somehow she is not meeting the needs that I have. So I go on to demand that my wife begin meeting the needs I have that only Christ can meet.

That being said I have recently read this book “When Sinners say I Do” by Dave Harvey. This book truly gave me God’s grace to love my wife more. The author dives through straight to the point, that we are sinners, so our marriage is broken to begin with. Right from the beginning he starts off by pointing towards you own personal sinfulness, and the saving faith that Christ gives us through the cross. The cross must be the focal point of our marriage, if it is not it becomes ourselves, our spouse, or our children. This can be disastrous! Because marriage was created by God and for God, if we live in marriage any other way we destroy God’s intended purpose.

I recommend this book for all couples no matter what stage in life you are in. All singles who one day hope to be married would benefit from this as well.

May God give us all grace for our marriage; that we would love our spouse more and more by the love Christ showed on the cross.

ryan

You can find the book here; Amazon

Living Assured in Christ

2009-06-07T18:57:00.000-07:00

At my church we are going through the book of 1st John. I have found this series to be challenging yet also freeing at the same time. Anytime you approach the Word of God it is hard to come to to it with an attitude of humility. What I mean is this; when we read the word of God we tend to apply our opinions, experiences, emotions and thoughts to what we are reading rather than allowing the Word of God to shape these things.

Studying 1st John I have had to confront this challenge, and by doing that I have actually found freedom. John tells us that he writes these things so that we may know that we have fellowship with the Father, Son, and with each other. This is how we can be assured, take the text of 1st John 2.3 for example:

"And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments"

Martyn Lloyd Jones calls this a test of our assurance in Christ. If we say we know him we necessarily obey the commandments. Dr. Jones says it is not that we are making ourselves Christians by our obedience but if we are Christians we live that life.

So part of the personal challenge is this; do I obey? My obedience is actually very revealing of my relationship with Christ. I find myself many times in life not doing what I should do, and on the flip side of that doing things I should not do. This is sin either way you look at it. It is living a life of disobedience. It could be as simple as watching TV when there are far more greater things to do with the limited time that I have, or it could be as blatant as I lie I tell in order to protect myself. Reading first John I have found myself asking "am I assured"? Instead of applying my own personal opinions to the text like "God understands my heart" or "I have seen other people do a lot worse" I look at my sin at face value and stand corrected by a loving heavenly Father. When we live in this way we allow the Word of God to shape our lives, rather than misapplying our own faulty belief system to the text.

The freedom we experience comes from the verses following what we just looked at when John says this; 1 John 1-3

"My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world."

Obedience does not mean we will live a sinless life, but that we put our trust in the one who has lived a sinless life. Obedience does not mean we work harder to be a better Christian, but that we allow Christ's finished work to be the mark of our hope. It means that because of what Christ has done for us we live as he lived and we obey. This is our assurance; because we love Christ we obey his commands.

Are you assured in Christ? Do you live a life obedience to the Father?

A Lesson from John and Kate, Taking a Look Inward

2009-05-26T20:11:00.000-07:00

On Memorial Day my wife and I watched the John and Kate Plus Eight season premiere. We have been watching this show for awhile and over time we have grown to love and care for their family. It is always intriguing to see how a family with twins and sextuplets can survive and after recently having twins I only know about ¼ of what they go through. That being said I found the season premiere to be a sad reminder of just how fragile marriage can be. Once you add children in the mix the odds of mere survival continue to stack against you, let alone 8 kids.

As a husband that has only been married for 3 years I don’t pretend to be an expert on marriage. All you have to do is ask my wife and I am sure just a brief conversation will reveal that I am far from an expert. As a pastor I have sat on the caring end of numerous marriages at the breaking point. In every instance that I have counseled couples in marriage I have found myself having to take a deep look inward at my life, soul, and sin personally. I sometimes sit at the receiving end of hearing a couples deepest and darkest secrets and the downward spiral of what was once a man and women head over heels in love with one another. Through this I find myself broken and even in disgust over sin, but it is not the sin of the couple I am caring for, it is my own sin that leads me to disgust. Beneath the mask of my life that I project to the world around me are thoughts, struggles, and actions that could easily put me on the other side of any of these conversations.

Watching John and Kate Plus 8 last night I saw a family full of wounds, wounds that were inflicted because of sin. The wounds of a wife who felt abandoned by her husband, the wounds of a husband who wanted respect from his wife, the wounds of children who as a byproduct of their parents sin are now faced with the ever present reality of living life with parents that have become light years apart.

Psalm 51.4 says “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight”, ultimately God is the one who is sinned against. Sin is not a single solitary action but life lived to the exclusion of God. Sin is part of our character that has turned us into enemy’s of the God who has created us. Sin is when we place someone or something else on the throne that rightly belongs to God. So it is God only whom we have sinned against. Each week in our weekly staff meaning we seem to get around to the same question in a different wa. That is this; “who or what are we looking to for our salvation.” When I place my wife on the throne which only Christ belongs, I am asking her fill a role that was only meant for God. My wife cannot bring forgiveness of my sin, no matter how bad I want my wife to give me love and respect I feel I deserve, she will always fall short. I find that I want these things so that I can be approved of by others who look at my marriage and say “Wow!!! Ryan must be a really great guy, look how his wife loves him and respects him”. In doing this I am seeking acceptance and approval in others, and not in God. This is sin, this is elevating others, my wife, and even approval over my satisfaction that can only be found in God. In the end I find myself unhappy, unfulfilled, and filled with the emptiness I set out to fill with anything I could.

I pray for John and Kate and their family, but rather than unpacking the sinfulness I see in them, I ask God for the correction I need in my life. With all my heart everyday I battle to live a life with God on the throne and no other. Jesus Christ died in order that my salvation could be found in that which is true. Forgiveness of sin is in Christ alone, not in anyone or anything else. By his grace we can know this “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5.8. May Christ’s death on the cross show us the depths of our sins, and the Holy perfect love of God.

Purpose of this blog

2009-04-23T16:26:00.000-07:00

I look forward to posting a variety of things here. As a husband and father I will post the personal, as a pastor I will share the spiritual. I will dive into many different topics, some controversial and some will be light at heart.

I hope to engage into a conversation about the things that matter most!

The arrival of our two miracles - part 3 (Final)

2009-04-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it is now Friday and the babies came home on Tuesday… It has been a wild ride. Thanks to all the friends who went and saw us in the hospital. Everyone who has brought us food, we have not had to worry about what we have eaten for the past 3 weeks because it has just been there.

Here is my journal account of the remaining time we had in the hospital.

We are now in our room and both Carrie and I are both spent. It was a long night, one in which we did not expect to have the babies. Now we had a new mission, turn off the cell phones and get some sleep. I pull down the Murphy bed and make it all cozy for me and we finally start trying to get some rest. The only challenge is that it seems like everyone at the hospital has to get some kind of information from us. In comes the guy from the financial department checking our insurance information, then the social worker who makes sure we are suitable parents (I think we fooled her), then the women who works for the birth certificate department… Are you kidding me! My wife just had twins, and with-in one hour of us being in our room you want to make sure our address is correct? I literally was at a point where I was talking to these people in my sleep. Then finally things slowed down a bit and we made a commitment to sleep for a few hours and then we were going to go check on the babies.

So then we slept, and it was nice! Then Carrie’s nurse was kind enough to wheel her down to see the babies. They were in the level 3 NICU, which was more intensive for about 36 hours, then they moved them to level 2 which is a more comfortable environment. It was great just to take a step back with my wife and savor the joy. That night we had some friends visit us, it was great to have the support of so many people. At 9pm things slowed down and Carrie had to get to bed, so I went down and held my daughter for about 30 minutes, I kept thinking “ I can’t believe I am going to bring you home someday soon” because she is so tiny.

On Wednesday March 25th, I went home to get some things we needed for another night in the hospital. I was going 80 mph on the 417 and before you know it I saw those blue flashing lights… Usually when this happens I am in an immediate state of depression. Not because I know it is sin and I should not be speeding, but because I got caught and am now looking at wasting $200 +. This time I was just giddy. I told the officer we just had babies the night before, and I was in a rush to get some things back to my wife and see my kids (he didn’t ask why I was speeding, I volunteered this information). So, he then asked to see my license, insurance, and registration… I gave him all this information and then he said “Sir this is your health insurance”, I guess I was thinking they could apply the speeding ticket to the deductable. Like I said I was giddy and I was still running on a high and pumped with adrenaline. So he went back to the car and asked to see the pink and blue bracelets I was wearing, I guess the health insurance thing didn’t fool him, then he kindly gave me a warning said congratulations and told me to slow down. Wow! Everything was going good.

So to make the rest of this short for your sake and mine, we had a great experience… we were discharged on Thursday the 26th without the babies, it was sad to leave them. Both Carrie and I cried… I know I am a man and should not say that, but I get a little emotional. But we both felt God’s presence in everything. We were given great opportunities to share Christ with the nurses in the nicu. And we even got 3 weeks extra sleep until they come.

So on Tuesday April 14th all things seem whole, our kids came home. Sleepless nights are now in play, but grandma is here to let us nap. We are loving these two miracles that God has given us. And thank you to all our friends for all your love and support!

Love,

Ryan and Carrie

The arrival of our two miracles- part 2

2009-04-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

Continued from part one,

So as I am frantically praying because I am about to enter the role of father, out comes one of the nurses to get me. I enter the surgery room to see Carrie, and they have her all ready to go for the c-section. When I got there they had a sheet up covering everything below Carrie’s chest so we would not see the surgery taking place. They had a seat for me right next to her, I did my best to convey to Carrie that I was composed and ready to go, she was so calm and collected… She told me that it all felt like a dream, and she was right; it all seemed to be a blur. I grabbed her hands and prayed with her as they began the surgery. Not too long after that the anesthesiologist told me pop my head up and look, and out came Camden, my beautiful boy. The doctor must have had him for a total of 30 seconds while they cut the cord and gave him to a nicu nurse, then before I knew it Adalyn was out and my first thought was “she is so small and absolutely gorgeous”. As Carrie heard them cry she began to cry, it was an emotional journey and she was now crying tears of joy even though she could not see them. Both babies were crying which was a good sign, and then I heard Camden stop crying after not too long. I saw them pumping oxygen into him which made me really concerned, I wasn’t too worried about Adalyn because her little lungs were filling the room with her cry. Then they told me to come over and take a look, Camden was fine… They then placed them on the scale to weigh them and took their footprints… I journaled the whole thing with my handy dandy disposable camera. Then they placed their footprints on my gown along with their names and weights. After this they brought both of the babies to Carrie so she could see and hold them for just a minute. This minute gave me such a glimpse of God’s love for me to see how happy mommy was, she had just been through so much and this was a picture I will never forget.

Carrie did absolutely incredible the whole night, I was not too shabby myself I must admit… This was hard work! After this they put Camden and Adalyn in the little incubators and took them with me up to the 3rd floor. Unfortunately they had to place Camden and Adalyn in different areas in the nicu because there was not room for two of them anywhere together. This was ok, they had great nurses who cared for their every need.

Both of them had to be on oxygen, and many different tubes and wires were coming from the babies little bodies. Carrie and I knew the chances of having premature babies meant that they would be in the nicu so although we don’t like all these little wires we know they are for their good. After this it was about 4am, I was pumped with adrenaline. I wanted to see how Carrie was doing so I went to the recovery area, they told me they were not ready for me so I went back up to see they babies, I walked around the nicu like a crazy man so excited about what just took place. I called my parents and Carrie’s parents to let them know everything went well and then went back down to check on Carrie. Again, she was not ready… I had nothing to do and had so much energy. So I took a walk, it was an amazing walk… I was so filled with joy and emotions, I felt the presence of God in such an amazing way. It was truly a time of praise and worship.

Finally about 5am I was able to go see Carrie in recovery. She was doing well except her mouth was incredibly dry so the nurse allowed her to have ice chips and this made her a happy women. By this time the adrenaline had wore off and I was exhausted. The only problem was that I had to sit in an uncomfortable chair for another two hours until they were able to get us into our room, but it is not like I should have anything to complain about. So at 7:30AM they wheeled us into our room. It was great!!! Finally we would be able to sleep. What a relief, everything went so darn quick and what we thought was only going to be a 24 hour hospital stay for monitoring was the day our beautiful babies came. It was a day that ranks with the best days of my life. God has given me a wife who is way too hot for me and two absolutely precious little babies. Not all of life is like this, not all days are this good. For Carrie and I it has been the dark days that we have walked through that allowed this day to be one of the sweetest we have ever experienced together.

One last post to go... stay tuned!

The arrival of our two miracles- part 1

2009-03-28T19:47:00.000-07:00

"For this child I prayed" 1 Samuel 1.27

On Monday March 23rd Carrie and I went to the doctor (Dr. Van Dyke) at 1:40pm for her weekly checkup. She was 33 weeks pregnant and had just completed 4 weeks of bed rest, due to being 50% effaced. The Monday before we were in the hospital for a stress test and we found that she was having contractions at about 3 minutes apart. They were able to slow those down and send us home after a couple of hours. So we were expecting this doctor appointment to be an eventful one. The doctor reviewed the information from the previous ultrasound and stress test and checked Carrie to see what was going on. He then told us that Carrie was 3 centimeters dilated, he then said he was going to admit Carrie to the hospital to see if she was likely to go into pre-term labor and we would likely be in there for 24 hours. Then he said "Remember what I said about twins? They won't be late". So I dropped Carrie off at the hospital and then went home to get some things to spend the night.

At about 5pm we saw the high risk doctor in triage at Winnie Palmer, by this point Carrie was having contractions very consistently... she didn't even realize it and was not having any pain. The doctor confirmed what our Dr. Van Dyke had told us and gave Carrie a steroid shot to help the development of the babies lungs and some meds to slow down the contractions; this stuff was pretty painful for her. By then all we could think about was getting some food for dinner, we last ate at 11am. So I asked the nurse if we could order some food, she said yes and we called the cafe to order. Then after telling the attendant that I wanted to order food for Carrie Walker she told me there is a hold on ordering any food for this patient. We thought, this surely must be a mistake. The nurse called the high risk doctor to ask about it and she said that she wanted to wait until she checks Carrie again. This was a bummer because by this time Carrie could not get comfortable; she was having back pains, a painful medication was going through her i-v and on top of that she was thirsty and starving.

A new nurse came in after a shift change and Carrie described the back pains she was having... the nurse told us this was because she was in labor... We both looked at each as if to say "YEAH RIGHT", for some reason we had convinced ourselves that these babies were not coming tonight, and our primary focus was getting food in our stomachs. By about 9PM we were finally admitted into our room and it was a total upgrade to the room in triage. Our new nurse came in to greet us and we asked her when Carrie could be checked so we could eat. She said the doctor would be in soon, and also told Carrie not to drink anything for the time being. So to pass time we thought we would watch our favorite show 24, but decided that there would be too much commotion going on to pay attention to it with family calling and nurses being in and out. Finally at about 9:45 pm our new high risk doctor came in and check Carrie, he let us know that Carrie was 4 centimeters dilated and wanted us to hold off on eating. This was a low blow, at this point this was our primary objective... all we had to look forward to were these contractions to slow down so we could eat.

By this point Carrie's back pain was getting more intense and she could not get comfortable, she mentioned it to the nurse and the nurse told us they were labor pains. Again we were not convinced. The doctor told us earlier that he was going to check her again in 1 hour to see if she progressed even a little and if she did he would send us to labor and delivery. Because Carrie was only experiencing moderate pain, some of which she had earlier in the pregnancy we didn't think it would come to that point. So we popped in a DVD (the notebook) to make the time go quicker.

I remember walking over to the nurses computer monitor that was showing the babies heart beats and Carrie's contractions and watched them go up and down like a roller coaster. The doctor came back in at about 11:30 PM to check Carrie and told us that she was 5 cm dilated and baby A's (Camden) head was engaged. Finally the thought hit us we may have these babies tonight. So the doctor put in orders to take us to labor and delivery, and I put in an order for food because I was starving and there was no reason both of us should go hungry. At this time we called our parents let them know. They mentioned scheduling a c-section for 7 am, or they could do it right away. I asked the nurse if I should go home to get a camera, after all we did not think this was going to happen. She said lets wait and see what your doctor (Van Dyke) wants to do and go from there.

I finished eating at about 12:30 AM, and in came a stretcher ready to take Carrie to labor and delivery. Well we found out then that labor and delivery was actually surgery preparation. Earlier we signed a consent form for a C-section because of the risk in delivering two premature twins naturally, one who was smaller than the other. So by this point we knew it could be anytime. Once we were down in pre-op I decided I had to get a camera, the nurses told me I would have no time to get Carrie's professional camera from home in Oviedo so they told me about a 24 hour Walgreen's that was 5 minutes away. I hurried over to Walgreen's and bought 2 disposable cameras. I was back pretty quickly, Carrie was given an epidural and Dr. Van Dyke arrived by about 2:15 AM. From this time on everything went so fast, they had me wait while they took Carrie in the surgery room. I talked with Dr. Van Dyke for a few moments and he said "did you see that blank stare on her face in my office?" I said what are you talking about? he answered "she had no idea" talking about the fact that Carrie was in labor. We laughed and got ready for the big moment. I sat in a chair outside of the surgery room while Carrie was being prepped. I must say I was so nervous, I just prayed to God to make everything go smoothly. I thanked him for getting us to this point and the love that Christ has for us that is so much better than anything in this world. Then I proceeded to pray for anything and everything. I don't think I have ever prayed so intensely or chaotically in all my life.

Part 2 coming soon!