On Memorial Day my wife and I watched the John and Kate Plus Eight season premiere. We have been watching this show for awhile and over time we have grown to love and care for their family. It is always intriguing to see how a family with twins and sextuplets can survive and after recently having twins I only know about ¼ of what they go through. That being said I found the season premiere to be a sad reminder of just how fragile marriage can be. Once you add children in the mix the odds of mere survival continue to stack against you, let alone 8 kids.
As a husband that has only been married for 3 years I don’t pretend to be an expert on marriage. All you have to do is ask my wife and I am sure just a brief conversation will reveal that I am far from an expert. As a pastor I have sat on the caring end of numerous marriages at the breaking point. In every instance that I have counseled couples in marriage I have found myself having to take a deep look inward at my life, soul, and sin personally. I sometimes sit at the receiving end of hearing a couples deepest and darkest secrets and the downward spiral of what was once a man and women head over heels in love with one another. Through this I find myself broken and even in disgust over sin, but it is not the sin of the couple I am caring for, it is my own sin that leads me to disgust. Beneath the mask of my life that I project to the world around me are thoughts, struggles, and actions that could easily put me on the other side of any of these conversations.
Watching John and Kate Plus 8 last night I saw a family full of wounds, wounds that were inflicted because of sin. The wounds of a wife who felt abandoned by her husband, the wounds of a husband who wanted respect from his wife, the wounds of children who as a byproduct of their parents sin are now faced with the ever present reality of living life with parents that have become light years apart.
Psalm 51.4 says “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight”, ultimately God is the one who is sinned against. Sin is not a single solitary action but life lived to the exclusion of God. Sin is part of our character that has turned us into enemy’s of the God who has created us. Sin is when we place someone or something else on the throne that rightly belongs to God. So it is God only whom we have sinned against. Each week in our weekly staff meaning we seem to get around to the same question in a different wa. That is this; “who or what are we looking to for our salvation.” When I place my wife on the throne which only Christ belongs, I am asking her fill a role that was only meant for God. My wife cannot bring forgiveness of my sin, no matter how bad I want my wife to give me love and respect I feel I deserve, she will always fall short. I find that I want these things so that I can be approved of by others who look at my marriage and say “Wow!!! Ryan must be a really great guy, look how his wife loves him and respects him”. In doing this I am seeking acceptance and approval in others, and not in God. This is sin, this is elevating others, my wife, and even approval over my satisfaction that can only be found in God. In the end I find myself unhappy, unfulfilled, and filled with the emptiness I set out to fill with anything I could.
I pray for John and Kate and their family, but rather than unpacking the sinfulness I see in them, I ask God for the correction I need in my life. With all my heart everyday I battle to live a life with God on the throne and no other. Jesus Christ died in order that my salvation could be found in that which is true. Forgiveness of sin is in Christ alone, not in anyone or anything else. By his grace we can know this “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5.8. May Christ’s death on the cross show us the depths of our sins, and the Holy perfect love of God.
